Heat and Loss
(A Wolf & Train Ficbit)
This fight was special.
They always fought, yes, - to a degree. Both of them had hot tempers - one that cause heat, the other that had newly driven fuel - and they both sat on the edge of adulthood. Equally young, but old at the same time. Often, the fights started about something stupid - socks in the living room, unclean dishes in the sink, eating the others food - and would escalate into something that could light the room on fire and crush every object in it.
The apples that had been quietly sitting on the counter top scattered to the floor - exploding in the air halfway there.
"Shit!!" Wolf spat - eyes aflame. There was apple-guts on his legs. "Why the hell did you have to-"
"Shut!" Train explode. His voice was loud. "-the fuck up! You're not my fucking mother-"
"-you didn't have a mother, jackass! Who the hell's gonna clean this up?!"
The paper on the counter started to shrivel and blacken just a little around the edge near Wolf. Train was trying to keep his berating steady. Wolf had grease on his face from his job that morning. Train had porously refrained from telling him about it.
Train shrugged - his bare shoulders moving carefully. The scar on his shoulder and lips still shown bright pink - still hurting to the eye and sprit. "I don't know. I don't care."
"Bitch." Wolf barked, his voice raising a little more. "Why do you have to be like that, ass! Seriously!"
"Hey, dick, you asked me to fucking live with you - you knew the package deal. What the fuck do you want from me!?"
The paper on the counter shriveled a little more. The candles in the room - all of two - lit at the same time.
Wolf wanted to yell - 'The person you where!' - but stopped himself before the words flew out. If Wolf had anything, it was control. The practiced it for years - his words chosen. But Train make him forget any sense of restraint.
"I expected a person." Wolf growled. If anything was worse then Wolf yelling, it would be Wolf growling. "I expected you to pull your own damn weight, pick yourself off your ass, and do what you said you would when you first moved in here."
"Oh!?" Train's voice had the ability to crack and hitch - anything that helped convey what his words and facial expressions created together. Train meant ever word he said - Wolf hated him, just a little, for it. "Oh~ So, you want me to be your bitch?"
"Train, dont be an ass-"
"You want me to clean the apartment when your at work? Go fucking food shoping?! Cook you fucking dinner?"
"Will, if you wanted a bitch, you should have bought one! I am not here to help you-"
"No, you ass!" The glass in the windos shattered - breaking into spiderwebs. The heat in the room skyrocketed - causing sweat to form on Train's face. The paper on the counter eurpted into a small inferno - blacing brightly the snuffing out far to quickly. Wolf's hands were clenched tightly into fists. "Your not my cleaning lady - and I am not your fucking mother! I am not your baby sitter either! And untill you start doing something other then mopeing about and bitching all the time, i have to fucking act like one!"
Train, for a rare second, was speachelss. The heat didn't help.
"I am not here to hold your fucking hand, Train." Wolf said, carefully. "I'm not here to wats you be fucking misrable. I didn't ask you to come here to hide or fucking kill yourslef wiht thinking that all of the shit that happened Two fucking years ago was your fault. I expected you to pick yoursel sorry, self-hating ass up and build your own fucking bridges. I cant do it for you!"
"So i've been working my ass off - to pay for food and your clothes and hot water.Because i know that you fell apart and aren't thinking about what you would do without water or electricity and i know i have to cover you ass for you because that's what I do. I'm not your fucking mom, and you shouldn't expect me to be. So stop trying to make me yell at you just so you can get mad!"
And that was the point of it all, wasn't it?
Shit. Wolf couldn't stop himslef.
"Yelling at me wont make you feel any better! I get your upset and pissed - whatever - and i get that your angry and hurt and lonley but you cant change the past to fix all that. There is nothing you can do. Everything's diffren't, and it's going to stay this way. I...i know you miss her, Train, i know - i do too. But you can't fucking do this........"
Wolf didn't have any air left. The room was cold - kept getting colder - and the weight of two years of keeping his mouth shut left him with the burden of those words now spoken.
Train was staring at him, lips pushed together and eyes tight. His chest wasn't moving much - little room to breath. Wolf threw the melted phone from his hand to the floor near what was left of the apple, grabed his keys from the coffee table, and was ut the door without another word.
Cold would do him good.
The woman at the flower shop Lila worked at rememberd his face and smiled sadly at him. Wolf payed for the white roses and dismissed her worries about him walking around in a tank top with snow on the ground. His left footprints of concreet behimd him - footprints of grass.
Wolf let his hand sit on top of the grabe marker - melting away the ice and snow. A smile moved his lips, let his eyes fill with memories and fond thoughts. He brushed his fingers over her name.
"I got you flowers." He said to the stone, sitting in front of it. The snow, wiht a thought - melted away faster then it should. The flowers looked pure agains the white - smooth. The air was cold, but not cold enough to touch him.
"Thought you would enjoy them. They're pretty - I guess - for flowers. Amila at teh ship sends her wishes, and Cyrus too but -" Spotting the butt of a ciggrette not to far from teh grave. "- i guess he already stopped buy. I'm sure Rem, Cecily, and all them send thoguths too."
Wolf sighes and movd his fingers back to teh stone. Lets the tips of them feel the carvings.
"Your 22, ya know. Not bad, really - and old coot yes, but not bad. I'm catching up to you though. Oh, yeah - him. He's having problems, I guess. He's turing 21 in a month - but you know that already. He's still having problems with all this, but he's getting better. Still an-"
"You talking to the stone?"
Train's voice could carry. In the closed in cematry, it smead to echo off the trees. Wolf turned to find the speaker in his long black coat. Train's hat covered mosto fh is hair and ears, sitting jsut over his eyebrows. The scar in his lip seamed red and angry. Wolf flet something unsettle in his throat.
"Yeah." It cracked leaving his mouth. Train's nose scrunched up - red and angry - before he movedto stand beside Wolf.
There was nice scilence - finally. In this place, they seamed to calm - their hot, angry soulds humbled by death and memories. Wolf hated feeling like this - depressed and angry and lost. Hated it. Hated, he had to admint, Train for it.
"Nice flowers." Train said. His voice was horse and rocky.
"Yeah." Wolf said.
"Only the best." Wolf had a smile in his voice.
Train sighed and squated down next to him - his knees sticking out sidways. His hands were bare and red with winter cold. His finger tips brushed over her name once - twice - the settled on the first group of letters. Wolf watched Train's face. There was little in it, but his eyes were darkened wiht greif and exaustion. Maybe Train was carring the weight wolf had dropped before.
Train stood carefully. He placed his hand back into his warm pocket and looked around for a second - then sighed.
"I ordered Chinese from Mou's." He said. Wolf could smell it already. "On my way to get it."
Wolf stood and brushed his pants off. With a laugh, Wolf turned toward the exit. "Couldn't go without me? Afirade of corssing Main Street? Want to hold my hand?"
Scilence. Wolf paused, stopping his motion from carring him foward, and turend to look at Train. The other boy's head was down - eyes tacked to the snowy ground - sorrow washing through them. Wolf felt his throat clog, let his eyes sting.
Wolf put his hand out.
Train's palm was soft.
They ate in scinence - the radio playing in the kitchen - eating right out of the contaners. The quite was nice enough. Strange.
Wolf noticed the apple was cleaned off of the floor and the side of the counter.
Train fell asleep on Wolf on the coutch. The edge of Wolf's shirt was caught in Train's hand. Wolf fell asleep with his hand in Train's hair.
They didn't fight much after that.